I'm reading my guide to compositional pedagogy (which is a fancy way of saying teaching writing) and the essay I'm reading is talking about critical pedagogy and democracy. In reading it I have become painfully aware of 2 things. Well, maybe more, but 2 right this second.
1 is that I am one of very few students who are in school just because they want to learn. I find that comical because I've gotten by with straight B's and no real dedication to being an overachiever in the classroom. But the book suggests (I think correctly) that students at the university level are in school as consumers and their expected output is a job in their chosen field. I'm having an incredibly hard time making decisions about what I want to do next year in part because I never expected college to necessarily give me the skills I need for one certain job. Partly because I've always planned to go on in my education beyond a BA, but also because I just like school. So I readily accept whatever my professors purport to be imparting upon me in a class because I have no real expectation beyond gaining some kind of knowledge from the past four years.
2 is that I have readily accepted the idea that education was a means to escape without really thinking about what that really means. What do people escape from and where do they escape to? Really education is just another system, an institution that is as flawed as the government and every other man made institution. What are we promising students, especially students that are perceived as repressed or disenfranchised in some way when we tell them education is the answer? Especially when there are so many dissenting examples, examples of people who follow the path and earn degrees and still fail. people who never graduate and are wildly successful. Varying opinions about success and various exposure to success just make it very difficult to truly believe in the so-called power of education.
So maybe I'm finally having that whole freshman year of college sudden disillusionment with the world around me. Or maybe I'm thinking too much.
With love
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
One Less Bell to Answer
I've been writing for hours but I haven't written anything worth reading. But isn't that the life story of the English major? This sounds conceited, so take it at face value. I know I'll get an A on this paper. It's pretty good, and undoubtedly way better than most of the other papers that will be turned in tomorrow at 2:00pm. But I know the truth - it's mediocre at best. With time and a little more concern from me, it could be great. Right now, at 12:30am, if I have to write one more sentence about perfume I'll kill someone. So I'm taking a break. And writing something else. But isn't that the life story of the English major?
I haven't been much of anywhere. I fancy myself really cultured because I took art history in elementary and middle school and because I listen to NPR and because I read... but the sad truth is that I've spent most of my life tucked away into a corner of Alabama in a corner of Southern America in a corner of the world.
What I have done is driven down highway 280 about 100 times since my freshman year of college. Sometimes I talk on the phone, sometimes I listen to music. But tonight I rolled down my window and turned off my radio and I rode with my thoughts and the wind that rustled between assaulting my cheekbones with cold sharp jabs and gently brushing the front locks of my hair across my nose. I was somewhere between Dadeville and Alexander City when I saw a baby deer standing on the side of the road. I've heard that there are lots of deer in Alabama on the roads and such, which explains those deer crossing signs, but I don't think I have ever noticed one just standing on the side of the road like she was. I say she. Maybe he. But something about deer and her eyes that looked mournfully at me as my squeaking Nissan glided past and probably the American partiachal tradition of the powerful man and the innocent woman, with a dash of a childhood viewing of Bambi all make me think she was a girl. Although now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure if Bambi was male or female. She was just standing there and by the time my heart jolted at the prospect of this deer escaping whatever made her eyes look that way by dashing in front of my car and dashing the rest of my semester... she was just a reflection in my 'objects may be larger than they appear' mirror.
The rest of my ride was uneventful, unless you count being tailgated by a Lexus SUV. I drove the speed limit. I tried not to text. I shed a few tears that I'll blame on the sting of the air as the time grew later and Mother Nature remembered that it's supposed to be February, even in Alabama. I sang a little, maybe outloud, maybe to myself, because it's all the same when the wind is covering your voice and only the occasional deer is around to listen.
Now I'm going to finish my paper. It will be done before 2am, at least the content. If not, there may be an addition to this post in an hour.
With Love
I haven't been much of anywhere. I fancy myself really cultured because I took art history in elementary and middle school and because I listen to NPR and because I read... but the sad truth is that I've spent most of my life tucked away into a corner of Alabama in a corner of Southern America in a corner of the world.
What I have done is driven down highway 280 about 100 times since my freshman year of college. Sometimes I talk on the phone, sometimes I listen to music. But tonight I rolled down my window and turned off my radio and I rode with my thoughts and the wind that rustled between assaulting my cheekbones with cold sharp jabs and gently brushing the front locks of my hair across my nose. I was somewhere between Dadeville and Alexander City when I saw a baby deer standing on the side of the road. I've heard that there are lots of deer in Alabama on the roads and such, which explains those deer crossing signs, but I don't think I have ever noticed one just standing on the side of the road like she was. I say she. Maybe he. But something about deer and her eyes that looked mournfully at me as my squeaking Nissan glided past and probably the American partiachal tradition of the powerful man and the innocent woman, with a dash of a childhood viewing of Bambi all make me think she was a girl. Although now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure if Bambi was male or female. She was just standing there and by the time my heart jolted at the prospect of this deer escaping whatever made her eyes look that way by dashing in front of my car and dashing the rest of my semester... she was just a reflection in my 'objects may be larger than they appear' mirror.
The rest of my ride was uneventful, unless you count being tailgated by a Lexus SUV. I drove the speed limit. I tried not to text. I shed a few tears that I'll blame on the sting of the air as the time grew later and Mother Nature remembered that it's supposed to be February, even in Alabama. I sang a little, maybe outloud, maybe to myself, because it's all the same when the wind is covering your voice and only the occasional deer is around to listen.
Now I'm going to finish my paper. It will be done before 2am, at least the content. If not, there may be an addition to this post in an hour.
With Love
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Reflection
My future career / life plans, according to Disney.
If you feel the need to ask me about my plans for next year or the next few years or the rest of my life, please reference this blog.
And I've gotten into Penn State, Vandy and Pepperdine for law school so far. I'll try to keep you posted, but I have no clue where I'm going or what I'm doing.
Oh, and I couldn't make Aristocat's fit. Sadly.
With Love,
Shelli
If you feel the need to ask me about my plans for next year or the next few years or the rest of my life, please reference this blog.
- I look once more just around the riverbend, beyond the shore. Where the gulls fly free, don't know what for. Why do all my dreams ascend just around the riverbend? Just around the riverbend... Should I choose the smoothest course? Steady as the beating drum? Should I marry Kokoum? Is all my dreaming at an end? Or do you still wait for me, dreamgiver... just around the riverbend?
- I want adventure in the great wide somewhere... I want it more than I can bear. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand... I want so much more than they've got planned.
- A whole new world. A hundred thousand things to see - I'm like a shooting star. I've come so far. I can't go back to where I used to be...
- I have often dreamed of a far off place where a great warm welcome will be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face... and a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be. I am on my way, I can go the distance. I'll be there someday, if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. I will go most anywhere to feel like I belong.
- I remember Daddy told me fairytale's can't come true. You've got to make it happen, it all depends on you. So I work real hard each and every day, now things for sure are going my way. Just doing what I do, look out boys, I'm coming through! And I'm almost there. I'm almost there. There ain't nothin gonna stop me now cause I'm almost there.
- Bright young women, sick of swimming, ready to stand! And I'm ready to know what the people know; ask them some questions and get some answers. What's a fire and why does it, what's the word? Burn...? When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love... love to explore that shore up above.
And I've gotten into Penn State, Vandy and Pepperdine for law school so far. I'll try to keep you posted, but I have no clue where I'm going or what I'm doing.
Oh, and I couldn't make Aristocat's fit. Sadly.
With Love,
Shelli
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Best I Ever Had (Glee Cast Version)
My normal week, Glee style.
** note: this post is significantly less awesome if you don't click on the green words when they appear. Trust me. With love!**
I woke up Wednesday morning later than I intended, as I always do, and went to work. I still managed to get there before my boss and when he got there he called me into his office so we could talk about how things are going to go the rest of the semester. After about 5 minutes, I fell into a daydream about a boy I am friends with but may or may not harbor less than platonic feelings for. The daydream started splendidly, with us talking over some Toomer's Lemonade, but then he started telling me how he could Count on Me which translates into friend zone. He did have a cool guitar and hat on. At the end of the song my boss sat his coffee cup down particularly loudly, breaking the spell and sending me back to my computer.
Meanwhile, my roommate was leaving the apartment, coffee cup in hand, to go to one of her super hard classes that I could never understand if I tried. While she was waiting at the light, a boy in a rather large truck rolled down his window and made some semi-inappropriate comments to her. Roommate looked him square in the eye and said, "Shut Up and Drive." The song continued while she walked to class, including a montage where she walked down a hallway and ignored several boys who tried to dance with her until she got to one at the end of the hallway, whom she stood uncharacteristically close to and whispered into his ear at the end.
Roommate and I met in the lunchroom later, along with a few of our friends: pretty but mean blonde girl, token Hispanic boy, single black guy, tall awkward dark haired boy, and dramatic brunette. We discussed the latest issues in life, namely the fact that red haired frenemie got in a nasty bicycle accident, and is now in a full body cast, but there are no handicap ramps in the school and even if there were, there's no assistance for a girl in a full body cast. Usually we wouldn't care, but we all happen to be in The Greatest Show Choir in the World and she's one of our best back-up singers and snappers so we need her safe and sound.
We decide that the best thing to do would be to have a $5 party to raise money for red-haired frenemie, which work great because it's Wednesday, the first day of the weekend in a college town. We run around the town buying things for the party, including streamers, cookies, and beverages. While we're shopping, decorating, and preparing we sing a fun acapella version of Raise Your Glass (because we're really too school for cool). Plus we invited all of the misfits and outcasts to the party because the cool kids would be spending their $5 on covers.
I am at the party location before anyone else until single black guy comes in. He didn't know I was the only one there. He asks me how my day was and I tell him about my daydream and the disappointment in the outcome, which makes him sad because he wanted me to fall in love with him based on his charm and style. In a voiceover he sings It's Gonna Be Me in a failed attempt to show me what I'm missing out on... at the end of the song I thank him for listening and kiss him on the cheek. Slowly everyone else gets to the house where the party will be happening and then everyone else shows up, which is great because we're making money and making a statement all at once (statement - not cool kids can have fun too). Except for pretty but mean blonde who stands in the corner and sings about how Big Girls Don't Cry (you need to have seen previous days to understand this... but you can probably guess).
Meanwhile, the boy whose ear roommate was whispering into shows up, with a guitar, and sings to her, much to her confusion. But she doesn't complain and sways to the Rhythm of Love.
The party goes well and at the end of the night we count the money - $3000 smackers! Just the amount needed to hire someone to assist red-haired frenemie until she gets out of her cast! The next day in rehearsal, however, an administrator comes to us and says they cannot hire anyone because it shows favoritism towards red-haired frenemie. We're all very upset about this, so much so that we have to sing about it. Thankfully, tall awkward dark haired boy offers us some perspective when he reminds us that we get by With a Little Help From our Friends.
We go to the president's office in protest, sending dramatic dark haired girl in first while the rest of us filter in slowly. We explain to the president that we understand, but we refuse to go down without a fight. He is cold-hearted and mean, so we appeal to his emotions with 21 Guns [slight side note, really you need to listen to this one. It's incredible].
At the end of the song, the president is in tears and agrees to let us use the money. We go to class a few days later and explain to red-haired frenemie that, even though we still don't like her much, we always stand up for one of our own. Cause baby, you're a Firework!
Fin.
** note: this post is significantly less awesome if you don't click on the green words when they appear. Trust me. With love!**
I woke up Wednesday morning later than I intended, as I always do, and went to work. I still managed to get there before my boss and when he got there he called me into his office so we could talk about how things are going to go the rest of the semester. After about 5 minutes, I fell into a daydream about a boy I am friends with but may or may not harbor less than platonic feelings for. The daydream started splendidly, with us talking over some Toomer's Lemonade, but then he started telling me how he could Count on Me which translates into friend zone. He did have a cool guitar and hat on. At the end of the song my boss sat his coffee cup down particularly loudly, breaking the spell and sending me back to my computer.
Meanwhile, my roommate was leaving the apartment, coffee cup in hand, to go to one of her super hard classes that I could never understand if I tried. While she was waiting at the light, a boy in a rather large truck rolled down his window and made some semi-inappropriate comments to her. Roommate looked him square in the eye and said, "Shut Up and Drive." The song continued while she walked to class, including a montage where she walked down a hallway and ignored several boys who tried to dance with her until she got to one at the end of the hallway, whom she stood uncharacteristically close to and whispered into his ear at the end.
Roommate and I met in the lunchroom later, along with a few of our friends: pretty but mean blonde girl, token Hispanic boy, single black guy, tall awkward dark haired boy, and dramatic brunette. We discussed the latest issues in life, namely the fact that red haired frenemie got in a nasty bicycle accident, and is now in a full body cast, but there are no handicap ramps in the school and even if there were, there's no assistance for a girl in a full body cast. Usually we wouldn't care, but we all happen to be in The Greatest Show Choir in the World and she's one of our best back-up singers and snappers so we need her safe and sound.
We decide that the best thing to do would be to have a $5 party to raise money for red-haired frenemie, which work great because it's Wednesday, the first day of the weekend in a college town. We run around the town buying things for the party, including streamers, cookies, and beverages. While we're shopping, decorating, and preparing we sing a fun acapella version of Raise Your Glass (because we're really too school for cool). Plus we invited all of the misfits and outcasts to the party because the cool kids would be spending their $5 on covers.
I am at the party location before anyone else until single black guy comes in. He didn't know I was the only one there. He asks me how my day was and I tell him about my daydream and the disappointment in the outcome, which makes him sad because he wanted me to fall in love with him based on his charm and style. In a voiceover he sings It's Gonna Be Me in a failed attempt to show me what I'm missing out on... at the end of the song I thank him for listening and kiss him on the cheek. Slowly everyone else gets to the house where the party will be happening and then everyone else shows up, which is great because we're making money and making a statement all at once (statement - not cool kids can have fun too). Except for pretty but mean blonde who stands in the corner and sings about how Big Girls Don't Cry (you need to have seen previous days to understand this... but you can probably guess).
Meanwhile, the boy whose ear roommate was whispering into shows up, with a guitar, and sings to her, much to her confusion. But she doesn't complain and sways to the Rhythm of Love.
The party goes well and at the end of the night we count the money - $3000 smackers! Just the amount needed to hire someone to assist red-haired frenemie until she gets out of her cast! The next day in rehearsal, however, an administrator comes to us and says they cannot hire anyone because it shows favoritism towards red-haired frenemie. We're all very upset about this, so much so that we have to sing about it. Thankfully, tall awkward dark haired boy offers us some perspective when he reminds us that we get by With a Little Help From our Friends.
We go to the president's office in protest, sending dramatic dark haired girl in first while the rest of us filter in slowly. We explain to the president that we understand, but we refuse to go down without a fight. He is cold-hearted and mean, so we appeal to his emotions with 21 Guns [slight side note, really you need to listen to this one. It's incredible].
At the end of the song, the president is in tears and agrees to let us use the money. We go to class a few days later and explain to red-haired frenemie that, even though we still don't like her much, we always stand up for one of our own. Cause baby, you're a Firework!
Fin.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Once Upon a December
I am blessed beyond belief.
I have the habit of complaining a lot on the internet (call it a side-effect of being part of such an unbearably self-centered generation), so I thought now would be a great time to talk about how blessed I am. So blessed.
So here's a list of 10 things, in no particular order, with which I am blessed.
* Music.
* AU Singers.
Basically the world's greatest combination of music and awesome.
* Best Friends.
Andie. Kaley. Kasey. What would my life be without y'all? I don't want to know. :)
* Auburn.
Especially Auburn football... especially National Championships (please please let us win)
while I'm making random requests, can I also marry Cam Newton? Oh, and thanks for the float competition win. ;)
* WEGP.
Yeah, we're cool. haha.
* My parents.
* Books.
*My habit of meeting celebrities... (Okay, mostly I stalk them. Same diff)
David Henrie and I are besties.
Brian McKnight is awesome in real life.
Corbin Bleu and I are in love.
Gavin Creel. Seriously one of the most incredible performers ever. and I love his t-shirt.
The DJ had us fallin in love again.
* Coffee.
* Christmas movies.
(without which I surely would not make it through the break)
And of course (this makes 11, sorry) the people who read my blog (all four of them!)
:)
Happy Christmas everyone! Remember our many blessings!
With love,
Shelli
I have the habit of complaining a lot on the internet (call it a side-effect of being part of such an unbearably self-centered generation), so I thought now would be a great time to talk about how blessed I am. So blessed.
So here's a list of 10 things, in no particular order, with which I am blessed.
* Music.
* AU Singers.
Basically the world's greatest combination of music and awesome.* Best Friends.
Andie. Kaley. Kasey. What would my life be without y'all? I don't want to know. :)* Auburn.
Especially Auburn football... especially National Championships (please please let us win)while I'm making random requests, can I also marry Cam Newton? Oh, and thanks for the float competition win. ;)
* WEGP.
Yeah, we're cool. haha.* My parents.
* Books.
*My habit of meeting celebrities... (Okay, mostly I stalk them. Same diff)
David Henrie and I are besties.
Brian McKnight is awesome in real life.
Corbin Bleu and I are in love.
Gavin Creel. Seriously one of the most incredible performers ever. and I love his t-shirt.
The DJ had us fallin in love again.* Coffee.
* Christmas movies.
(without which I surely would not make it through the break)And of course (this makes 11, sorry) the people who read my blog (all four of them!)
:)
Happy Christmas everyone! Remember our many blessings!
With love,
Shelli
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Hero
People I want to be more like:
* Majora Carter
* George Watsky
* Marian Wright Edelman
I think I'm starting something soon. But I'm not ready to talk about it yet. If you have a chance, you should check out those three people though. They don't really do similar things, but the point is they all do something. :)
With love,
Shelli
* Majora Carter
* George Watsky
* Marian Wright Edelman
I think I'm starting something soon. But I'm not ready to talk about it yet. If you have a chance, you should check out those three people though. They don't really do similar things, but the point is they all do something. :)
With love,
Shelli
Friday, November 5, 2010
Send in the Clowns
I'm angry.
I'm angry and disappointed and frustrated and irritated beyond belief.
In the past two weeks I have been utterly disillusioned about kindness, responsibility, respect, and integrity left in the world. Particularly in America. Particularly in my corner of America.
I'm usually not one to think that things were "better" in the past. Generally I think that there is always change and that every generation has good things and bad things. But in the past few weeks I have been forced to admit that there are a lot of things now that used to be "better."
I wish people would respect others opinions.
I wish people would take responsibility for their actions.
I wish people would not hide behind anonymity to be rude and hurtful.
I wish people would be aware that things typed or texted exist in people's minds long after they are read.
I wish people would let things be simple.
I wish people would read. I wish they would educate themselves. I wish they cared. About anything.
I wish people loved.
With love,
S
I'm angry and disappointed and frustrated and irritated beyond belief.
In the past two weeks I have been utterly disillusioned about kindness, responsibility, respect, and integrity left in the world. Particularly in America. Particularly in my corner of America.
I'm usually not one to think that things were "better" in the past. Generally I think that there is always change and that every generation has good things and bad things. But in the past few weeks I have been forced to admit that there are a lot of things now that used to be "better."
I wish people would respect others opinions.
I wish people would take responsibility for their actions.
I wish people would not hide behind anonymity to be rude and hurtful.
I wish people would be aware that things typed or texted exist in people's minds long after they are read.
I wish people would let things be simple.
I wish people would read. I wish they would educate themselves. I wish they cared. About anything.
I wish people loved.
With love,
S
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Spark of Creation
I've got an itching on the tips of my fingers. I've got a boiling in the back of my brain. I've got a hunger burning inside me, cannot be denied. I've got a feeling that the Father who made us, when He was kindling the pulse in my veins, He left a tiny spark of that fire smoldering inside... The spark of creation burning bright within me. The spark of creation is blazing in my blood. A bit of the fire that lit up the stars and breathed life into the flood; the first inspiration. The spark of creation.
I see a mountain and I want to climb it. I see a river and I want to leave shore. Where there was nothing, let there be something, something made by me. There's things waiting for me to invent them; there's worlds waiting for me to explore. I am an echo of the eternal cry of let there be! The spark of creation flickering within me. The spark of creation won't let me rest at all until I discover or build or uncover a thing that I can call my celebration of the spark of creation.
The spark of creation - may it burn forever! The spark of creation. I am a keeper of the flame. We think all we want is a lifetime of leisure, each perfect day the same... endless vacation. Well, that's alright if you're a kind of crustacean, but when you're born with an imagination sooner or later you're feeling the fire get hotter and hotter.
The spark of creation.
I have never known a song that I could relate to so strongly. "What are you doing next year?" "I suppose I'll go to law school." And I suppose I will. But what I want is to create and to change and to explore and to discover and to make a difference, key word make. I think what I'm discovering is that to be a pawn in someone elses plan other than the Lord's is never going to be enough for me. There's a fire in me that I recognize from my father to be the one that makes the changes other people talk about. I need that. I want that. I think I'm called to that.
So where am I going now? I honestly have no idea. I've been praying about it, as I've said in past posts, but now that I am "done" with my law school applications, I plan to spend a lot of time looking into service opportunities for next summer, next year, the next few years. Funnily enough, I've had a ton of people say things to me like, "I see you in the Peace Corps" or "Have you looked into the Children's Defense Fund?" I think it's time for me to look more into those things. I have complete faith that God will lead me to the right thing. I know I've talked of nothing but going to New York and working in New York for years... and I still want that. But I want to do His will, and I'll get there. Eventually.
That's where I am. Nothing too exciting to report yet. I imagine those days are coming though. Otherwise, senior year has been a dream. I have the best friends and the best family (and the best football team ;)) and just the best life ever. Which makes me that much more determined to work to give other students the same opportunities that I've had. What is the purpose of being blessed if we never give anything from those blessings?
With love
<3
I see a mountain and I want to climb it. I see a river and I want to leave shore. Where there was nothing, let there be something, something made by me. There's things waiting for me to invent them; there's worlds waiting for me to explore. I am an echo of the eternal cry of let there be! The spark of creation flickering within me. The spark of creation won't let me rest at all until I discover or build or uncover a thing that I can call my celebration of the spark of creation.
The spark of creation - may it burn forever! The spark of creation. I am a keeper of the flame. We think all we want is a lifetime of leisure, each perfect day the same... endless vacation. Well, that's alright if you're a kind of crustacean, but when you're born with an imagination sooner or later you're feeling the fire get hotter and hotter.
The spark of creation.
I have never known a song that I could relate to so strongly. "What are you doing next year?" "I suppose I'll go to law school." And I suppose I will. But what I want is to create and to change and to explore and to discover and to make a difference, key word make. I think what I'm discovering is that to be a pawn in someone elses plan other than the Lord's is never going to be enough for me. There's a fire in me that I recognize from my father to be the one that makes the changes other people talk about. I need that. I want that. I think I'm called to that.
So where am I going now? I honestly have no idea. I've been praying about it, as I've said in past posts, but now that I am "done" with my law school applications, I plan to spend a lot of time looking into service opportunities for next summer, next year, the next few years. Funnily enough, I've had a ton of people say things to me like, "I see you in the Peace Corps" or "Have you looked into the Children's Defense Fund?" I think it's time for me to look more into those things. I have complete faith that God will lead me to the right thing. I know I've talked of nothing but going to New York and working in New York for years... and I still want that. But I want to do His will, and I'll get there. Eventually.
That's where I am. Nothing too exciting to report yet. I imagine those days are coming though. Otherwise, senior year has been a dream. I have the best friends and the best family (and the best football team ;)) and just the best life ever. Which makes me that much more determined to work to give other students the same opportunities that I've had. What is the purpose of being blessed if we never give anything from those blessings?
With love
<3
Saturday, August 21, 2010
7 Things
I blog on Saturday nights a lot. I should probably work on having cooler things to do on the weekends. Oh well.
I haven't made a list in a while, so I thought I might do one tonight. :-)
I started my senior year last week. My senior year. My last year. No more undergraduate institution after this year. What? It's completely shocking and fun and terrifying and exciting and stressful all at once. I've bled orange and blue for the past three years and will for the rest of my life... but after this year it will never be the same.
But I'm trying not to think about all of that. I'm not dwelling on the never ending what am I going to do with my life scenario and I'm trying not to focus on all of the lasts that are approaching. Instead I am thinking about my classes, and my social life and, of course, boys.
I'm not a Miley Cyrus fan, but I'm not a hater either. I did always really like her cute little song 7 Things though, and I've had just the slightest bit of boy drama in my life lately. No details, but I think her list is pretty accurate right now. The grammar in the list is terrible though.
Otherwise, about my life. Taking some freaking awesome classes this semester that are going to kick my butt. Lots of reading and writing in my future. But, hey, no big deal. Its cool. It's also going to be a semester of impromptu day trips, dinner parties, coffee dates, lunch dates, and Maisonette parties.
Oh and football. Lots of football. :-)
With love,
Shelli
I haven't made a list in a while, so I thought I might do one tonight. :-)
I started my senior year last week. My senior year. My last year. No more undergraduate institution after this year. What? It's completely shocking and fun and terrifying and exciting and stressful all at once. I've bled orange and blue for the past three years and will for the rest of my life... but after this year it will never be the same.
But I'm trying not to think about all of that. I'm not dwelling on the never ending what am I going to do with my life scenario and I'm trying not to focus on all of the lasts that are approaching. Instead I am thinking about my classes, and my social life and, of course, boys.
I'm not a Miley Cyrus fan, but I'm not a hater either. I did always really like her cute little song 7 Things though, and I've had just the slightest bit of boy drama in my life lately. No details, but I think her list is pretty accurate right now. The grammar in the list is terrible though.
- You're vain
- Your games
- You're insecure
- You love me, you like her
- You make me laugh, you make me cry (this is actually 2 different things Miley)
- Your friends are jerks
- You make me love you
Otherwise, about my life. Taking some freaking awesome classes this semester that are going to kick my butt. Lots of reading and writing in my future. But, hey, no big deal. Its cool. It's also going to be a semester of impromptu day trips, dinner parties, coffee dates, lunch dates, and Maisonette parties.
Oh and football. Lots of football. :-)
With love,
Shelli
Friday, August 6, 2010
Never Enough
Today I read an unbelievably insightful and honest speech given by a high school graduating senior. It was a brave statement, especially since he must have known that the speech would be publicized and that he (his person and his thoughts) would be subject to the ridicule, hatred, and general lack of respect that is commonplace in America today, particularly in an age where we can all hide behind user names and profile pictures. But if Justin intended on making the people who encounter his speech think long and hard about the state of the American educational system, he succeeded. After I read it I want to cry thinking about how dreadful the school systems are and how impossible it seems to fix them.
I wish there was something I could do. Well, I know that there must be something I can do and I'm praying about it and trying to figure out what that something can be. I've been drawn to law school because it seems true that working with the American legal system is the best and most effective way to evoke any kind of change. Eventually I want to work in education reform, but I have no idea how I'm going to get there.
The thing is... I'm no better than any of the other black girls out there. I won the genetic lottery and ended up with parents who understood how important it was for me to be educated and were willing to sacrifice for me. But I could have easily been born to a single parent household with a mother than simply didn't have time to invest in my education because she had to work two jobs. And if I were as "smart" as I was as a kid, but got dealt a bad hand, I might not be graduating this year. I might not be in school. I might be completely and totally lost in a way that those of us working on college degrees with goals and dreams and future plans do not understand. And it breaks my heart that another girl who was in the same kindergarten class that I was in might be floudering and stuggling in a world where life can be so so hard... just because her mom didn't read to her before she went to bed, so she couldn't read in 1st grade and wasn't put in RTC and was forever labeled and stigmitized as dumb.
Because we all know its the teachers that decide who is smart and who is not. I don't mean for people who have like crazy awesome IQ's or the handful of kids who honestly suffer from some kind of disorder that makes school difficult for them. I mean the rest of us. I'm pretty average. Possibly slightly above, but mostly average. But once a teacher choose the smart kids and the not-smart kids, that sticks with you for life. Partly because of self-fulfilling prophesies, and partly because the teachers will give you more attention, more help, and better feedback if you show more "potential." I hate when people say "potential" as though some people have it and some people don't. By definition, do we not all have potential?
Okay, I'm rambling now. I was just feeling so... touched by that speech and by my own mind and imagination that I needed to write about it. I'm really excited for God to show me what I can do to help the education situation.
With love,
Shelli
I wish there was something I could do. Well, I know that there must be something I can do and I'm praying about it and trying to figure out what that something can be. I've been drawn to law school because it seems true that working with the American legal system is the best and most effective way to evoke any kind of change. Eventually I want to work in education reform, but I have no idea how I'm going to get there.
The thing is... I'm no better than any of the other black girls out there. I won the genetic lottery and ended up with parents who understood how important it was for me to be educated and were willing to sacrifice for me. But I could have easily been born to a single parent household with a mother than simply didn't have time to invest in my education because she had to work two jobs. And if I were as "smart" as I was as a kid, but got dealt a bad hand, I might not be graduating this year. I might not be in school. I might be completely and totally lost in a way that those of us working on college degrees with goals and dreams and future plans do not understand. And it breaks my heart that another girl who was in the same kindergarten class that I was in might be floudering and stuggling in a world where life can be so so hard... just because her mom didn't read to her before she went to bed, so she couldn't read in 1st grade and wasn't put in RTC and was forever labeled and stigmitized as dumb.
Because we all know its the teachers that decide who is smart and who is not. I don't mean for people who have like crazy awesome IQ's or the handful of kids who honestly suffer from some kind of disorder that makes school difficult for them. I mean the rest of us. I'm pretty average. Possibly slightly above, but mostly average. But once a teacher choose the smart kids and the not-smart kids, that sticks with you for life. Partly because of self-fulfilling prophesies, and partly because the teachers will give you more attention, more help, and better feedback if you show more "potential." I hate when people say "potential" as though some people have it and some people don't. By definition, do we not all have potential?
Okay, I'm rambling now. I was just feeling so... touched by that speech and by my own mind and imagination that I needed to write about it. I'm really excited for God to show me what I can do to help the education situation.
With love,
Shelli
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Faithfully
Last week I worked at my Maywood Christian Camp as a counselor. I got the 10 year old girls cabin, which was a huge jump from the 8 year olds I've gotten every other year) and they were absolutely wonderful. It was an incredible week, with I think 22 souls baptized into the church and numerous others that rededicated themselves to the Lord.
But I also had quite an awakening last week. I realized two really important things, and I felt compelled to write about them here.
Over the past year I have been compromising myself and everything I believe in because it is so important to me to be liked. By everyone. Even people I don't particularly care for and who I know have habits I disapprove of. Two years ago I would have never thought that I would push aside my love for God, my belief in His word and desire to fulfill his commands, and even parts of my own personality to compete in a non-existent popularity contest. To everyone who has witnessed this over the past year or so... I'm sorry. I'm working on staying true to myself and to my God, and part of the reason I'm writing this is to hold myself accountable for that. It makes me so miserable that I let one this weakness of mine take such control over my life. But my priorities are back on track, and you can expect quite a few differences in me now.
Second, I realized how much I've been trying to control my own life. Constantly stressing over law schools and graduate schools and what's going to happen over the next two years and whether I'm going to be single forever, and... you get it. I've been trying to do everything on my own, and I need to stop that. I need to let God help me and I need to let the people around me help me. I'm afraid this point will take me a little longer to deal with, but I'm praying about it and making a point to not spend more than an hour a day on anything related to law school or applications or anything like that. Being a control freak is not at all productive and not how God wanted His children to be.
So, yeah. Those are my recent awakenings. I'm also making time for fun things like reading and writing and stuff. That's been great. Loving Water for Elephants, which I started yesterday, and HATED Catcher in the Rye. I know that's a disgrace to every writer in the world. Saw Inception - it was incredible. Absolutely Incredible. And I have fun plans throughout the week.
I guess I'm really learning how to live by my motto: Live to serve, serve to live. I just forgot who I was serving. Now I just need to let Him show me how I can help the people around me too. That's too much for me, but not for Him.
With love,
Shelli
But I also had quite an awakening last week. I realized two really important things, and I felt compelled to write about them here.
Over the past year I have been compromising myself and everything I believe in because it is so important to me to be liked. By everyone. Even people I don't particularly care for and who I know have habits I disapprove of. Two years ago I would have never thought that I would push aside my love for God, my belief in His word and desire to fulfill his commands, and even parts of my own personality to compete in a non-existent popularity contest. To everyone who has witnessed this over the past year or so... I'm sorry. I'm working on staying true to myself and to my God, and part of the reason I'm writing this is to hold myself accountable for that. It makes me so miserable that I let one this weakness of mine take such control over my life. But my priorities are back on track, and you can expect quite a few differences in me now.
Second, I realized how much I've been trying to control my own life. Constantly stressing over law schools and graduate schools and what's going to happen over the next two years and whether I'm going to be single forever, and... you get it. I've been trying to do everything on my own, and I need to stop that. I need to let God help me and I need to let the people around me help me. I'm afraid this point will take me a little longer to deal with, but I'm praying about it and making a point to not spend more than an hour a day on anything related to law school or applications or anything like that. Being a control freak is not at all productive and not how God wanted His children to be.
So, yeah. Those are my recent awakenings. I'm also making time for fun things like reading and writing and stuff. That's been great. Loving Water for Elephants, which I started yesterday, and HATED Catcher in the Rye. I know that's a disgrace to every writer in the world. Saw Inception - it was incredible. Absolutely Incredible. And I have fun plans throughout the week.
I guess I'm really learning how to live by my motto: Live to serve, serve to live. I just forgot who I was serving. Now I just need to let Him show me how I can help the people around me too. That's too much for me, but not for Him.
With love,
Shelli
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
She Cries
Lesson of the day: Don't steal sheet music. It really is cheap-ish to just buy the piece you want and download it off the internet (ps: my personal favorite "new" composers are Ryan Scott Oliver and Kerrigan and Lowdermilk. If you were wondering...)
And don't argue with Jason Robert Brown. Or you might get humiliated. Ouch.
http://www.jasonrobertbrown.com/weblog/2010/06/fighting_with_teenagers_a_copy.php
And don't argue with Jason Robert Brown. Or you might get humiliated. Ouch.
http://www.jasonrobertbrown.com/weblog/2010/06/fighting_with_teenagers_a_copy.php
Monday, June 28, 2010
Summer Skin
Summertime and the living is easy...
A little too easy.
I hate to admit it, because I'm sure I complain more than anyone else in the world about being
"too busy" but... I'm bored. It's week 6 of the summer I chose (i.e., staying in Auburn and continuing my internship instead of working in Memphis). Today I have
Worked from 9 - 3.
Went to a meeting with the Layman Group and visited two businesses to ask for their support.
Read 15 pages of Catcher in the Rye (yes it's my first time, yes I'm 21, no I didn't have to read it in high school, get off my case. haha)
Took an hour nap.
Watched an episode of Gilmore Girls (season 5, hands down the best season).
Sent about 7 emails (outside of work emails).
Chatted with my fab roommate for about 30 minutes.
And now it's 9 o'clock. and I'm out of things to do. Well, that's not exactly true. There are tons of things I could do. I could read a psych article in preparation for working on my thesis tomorrow. I could work on the Singers alumni database. I could work on graduate school admissions information. I could write (not blogging style, but real style). But... eh. I'm just not motivated to do any of the above.
It's curious, how one can feel like she needs to do something, but not want to do any of the things that are available to do. Blame it on the culture of busy, one that breeds anxiety and hurried actions. I'm part of an unfortunate generation that feels like we need to go go go every second, but only when something needs to immediately be fulfilled. Perplexing.
What do people do when they have nothing to do? I mean, I have hobbies, I read and write and make baskets out of magazine paper. I blog. I crochet. But once I've done all of these things as much as I can possibly do them... then what?
Sadly I don't have an answer yet. I'll work on that. Meanwhile, I'll try to have something more entertaining to write about next time. :-)
With love,
S
A little too easy.
I hate to admit it, because I'm sure I complain more than anyone else in the world about being
"too busy" but... I'm bored. It's week 6 of the summer I chose (i.e., staying in Auburn and continuing my internship instead of working in Memphis). Today I have
Worked from 9 - 3.
Went to a meeting with the Layman Group and visited two businesses to ask for their support.
Read 15 pages of Catcher in the Rye (yes it's my first time, yes I'm 21, no I didn't have to read it in high school, get off my case. haha)
Took an hour nap.
Watched an episode of Gilmore Girls (season 5, hands down the best season).
Sent about 7 emails (outside of work emails).
Chatted with my fab roommate for about 30 minutes.
And now it's 9 o'clock. and I'm out of things to do. Well, that's not exactly true. There are tons of things I could do. I could read a psych article in preparation for working on my thesis tomorrow. I could work on the Singers alumni database. I could work on graduate school admissions information. I could write (not blogging style, but real style). But... eh. I'm just not motivated to do any of the above.
It's curious, how one can feel like she needs to do something, but not want to do any of the things that are available to do. Blame it on the culture of busy, one that breeds anxiety and hurried actions. I'm part of an unfortunate generation that feels like we need to go go go every second, but only when something needs to immediately be fulfilled. Perplexing.
What do people do when they have nothing to do? I mean, I have hobbies, I read and write and make baskets out of magazine paper. I blog. I crochet. But once I've done all of these things as much as I can possibly do them... then what?
Sadly I don't have an answer yet. I'll work on that. Meanwhile, I'll try to have something more entertaining to write about next time. :-)
With love,
S
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Long and Winding Road
In the past two weeks I have thought about myself more than I have in my entire life. Not because I'm generally super humble - I'm actually fairly self-centered, at least as much so as every other 21 year old female. No, because I have been working A TON on law school applications.
That's right ladies and gentlemen, it is that time again. I started my law school notebook last week and have been working on resumes, curriculum vitas, personal statements, supplementary personal statements, and more non-stop over the past week. Call it a coping mechanism (as in I'm drowning myself in the aspects of my law school applications I can control, since I can't do anything about my LSAT score now). Call it an obsession (you'd probably be right). Call it a waste of time... but nevertheless it's been my every day for the past 12 days.
Upside, I really like the first paragraph of my personal statement and the format of my resume.
Downside, I'm already tired of applications. And I haven't actually filled any out. Yes, it's partially my fault because once I start doing something (except possibly blogging) I do it obsessively. But still. The application process sucks.
Dear NYU, Will you just let me in? I promise I'm smart, smarter than my GPA makes me seem. And I'm a hard worker and I'm organized and... oh, let's face it. I'm exactly like every other applicant. Great.
Sooo here are my top 5 things that every future law student THINKS is his or her strength:
As for the rest of us... let's just pray for that 14 point curve and / or really low application rates. Here's hoping.
With love,
S
That's right ladies and gentlemen, it is that time again. I started my law school notebook last week and have been working on resumes, curriculum vitas, personal statements, supplementary personal statements, and more non-stop over the past week. Call it a coping mechanism (as in I'm drowning myself in the aspects of my law school applications I can control, since I can't do anything about my LSAT score now). Call it an obsession (you'd probably be right). Call it a waste of time... but nevertheless it's been my every day for the past 12 days.
Upside, I really like the first paragraph of my personal statement and the format of my resume.
Downside, I'm already tired of applications. And I haven't actually filled any out. Yes, it's partially my fault because once I start doing something (except possibly blogging) I do it obsessively. But still. The application process sucks.
Dear NYU, Will you just let me in? I promise I'm smart, smarter than my GPA makes me seem. And I'm a hard worker and I'm organized and... oh, let's face it. I'm exactly like every other applicant. Great.
Sooo here are my top 5 things that every future law student THINKS is his or her strength:
- "I really want to help people." Because it sounds bad to say 'I really just want to be able to make money someday, but also to prove to people that I'm smart enough to get a post-graduate degree.
- "I'm highly competitive, but also personable." Sure, say that to the guy whose self-esteem you slowly broke down each day in gym class by staring at him as he ran around the gym. No one ever knew why he dropped out of the races for class president, mu alpha theta historian, and LAX captain. But you do. Write about that in your personal statement.
- "I add diversity to the campus." Sorry people, there are only about 4 things that truly add diversity. And unless you immigrated from a land where only 6 people spoke English, saved an entire school building worth of seven year olds from the fire that your local government set to eliminate all education, AND went to Princeton, Harvard, Yale, and / or Stanford... no one cares where you volunteered or what kind of neighborhood you grew up in. And absolutely none of that counts if you're white. Or Asian.
- Academic Achievement. Okay. That's probably fair. Rock that 4.0 and 175... you're golden.
As for the rest of us... let's just pray for that 14 point curve and / or really low application rates. Here's hoping.
With love,
S
Monday, June 7, 2010
Summer in the City
Today I took the LSAT. It was hard, but perhaps not as hard as I thought it would be. I'm trying not to think about it, because I don't want to convince myself that I did really well and then get like a 152 in three weeks. So I'm going to try to distract myself until I get scores back.
Of course, that's way easier said then done. Everyone who knows me knows I thrive on being busy. And though I have my internship where I work about 5 / 6 hours a day (at a cubicle no less... crazy) and a few good friends hanging out in my college town for the summer too, I knew I would have a hard time filling in the extra time without classes or LSAT-studying.
But God must have known that I would feel that way, because he put the Layman Group into my life. The Layman Group is an organization that exists simply to spread the fine arts. I was impressed by their website and I loved their vision, so I sent the contact person my resume and said that I would like to get involved. In a whirlwind I met with their director, who was a really incredible and dedicated artistic presence, and he basically offered me the opportunity to help. I'll be working with fund-raising / development (naturally) and I'm unbelievably excited about having an opportunity to really use what I've learned working in development for the past 9 months to help a cause that I'm passionate about. The Layman Group is right on in their deduction that in our area the arts are thought of as unattainable and unnecessary. But as I tell my dear engineering friends, no one recites math equations to themselves in the showers. They don't make museums for theorems and you don't cry at the end of a live performance of a thesis.
Art is what we live and breathe for, and our area isn't immune to that. And I'm psyched about helping start a movement to show people how important the arts are to our lives. If nothing else, it's one of the few things that crosses all boarders; there are no cultures, no people, no souls that have no expression of art. So let's make it available here too.
I love New York. And I want to move there next year. But I hate the truth that to experience great art (as in theatre, visual art, music, etc.), you pretty much have to be in New York or a comparable metropolitan area. Or, worse, that the art in our communities is more or less ignored. I would love for middle-school students near my college town to be as culturally educated as students in Manhattan. It's possible. :-)
So, yeah. There's my soap box for the summer. Oh, and I'll probably work on my Honors thesis a little bit. Maybe. ;-)
With love,
Shelli
Of course, that's way easier said then done. Everyone who knows me knows I thrive on being busy. And though I have my internship where I work about 5 / 6 hours a day (at a cubicle no less... crazy) and a few good friends hanging out in my college town for the summer too, I knew I would have a hard time filling in the extra time without classes or LSAT-studying.
But God must have known that I would feel that way, because he put the Layman Group into my life. The Layman Group is an organization that exists simply to spread the fine arts. I was impressed by their website and I loved their vision, so I sent the contact person my resume and said that I would like to get involved. In a whirlwind I met with their director, who was a really incredible and dedicated artistic presence, and he basically offered me the opportunity to help. I'll be working with fund-raising / development (naturally) and I'm unbelievably excited about having an opportunity to really use what I've learned working in development for the past 9 months to help a cause that I'm passionate about. The Layman Group is right on in their deduction that in our area the arts are thought of as unattainable and unnecessary. But as I tell my dear engineering friends, no one recites math equations to themselves in the showers. They don't make museums for theorems and you don't cry at the end of a live performance of a thesis.
Art is what we live and breathe for, and our area isn't immune to that. And I'm psyched about helping start a movement to show people how important the arts are to our lives. If nothing else, it's one of the few things that crosses all boarders; there are no cultures, no people, no souls that have no expression of art. So let's make it available here too.
I love New York. And I want to move there next year. But I hate the truth that to experience great art (as in theatre, visual art, music, etc.), you pretty much have to be in New York or a comparable metropolitan area. Or, worse, that the art in our communities is more or less ignored. I would love for middle-school students near my college town to be as culturally educated as students in Manhattan. It's possible. :-)
So, yeah. There's my soap box for the summer. Oh, and I'll probably work on my Honors thesis a little bit. Maybe. ;-)
With love,
Shelli
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