(or a rambling post that I chose to write instead of a dramatic Facebook status)
The end of year two. I literally can't believe it.
I feel like I should feel... more. Maybe I will after tomorrow (since tomorrow is technically our last day of school...). But today I feel most strongly how much work there is still left to be done. For our kids and for all kids. I am so proud of what our kids have accomplished this year and feel blessed to have been a part of their lives for the past year and 1/2. Still, I can't help but continue to think about how long transformational change takes. Today (as it usually does when I feel driven to blog), it feels almost out of reach. Just at the horizon.
Teach for America has been a curious experience. It's been amazing in so many ways. I have met people that have changed my life and been so convinced that the people TFA bring into the movement make a huge difference in my kids lives, regardless of whether they stay in the classroom or not. It has been so powerful for me to see people who are so smart and ambitious and capable humble themselves to this work that has so little immediate payoff but, ultimately, changes the world. It has also changed me to be knocked over by how hard it is to teach and have to fight to get back into a classroom and then to figure out what the hell I'm doing. The road has been long and grueling and every other cliche in the world. I couldn't have imagined two years ago that teaching would all at once be the most challenging, painful, inspirational, emotional, and incredibly rewarding thing I have ever done.
And yet. I can't help but wish it was next year already. There are so many things I have learned this year and so many dreams I have for my kids that I feel more equipped to actually make a reality next year. It's exciting and terrifying all at once. Because the thing about teaching, particularly in the urban core, is that the actual proof, the real results do not come for such a long time. I can push D harder than I ever have and lay foundations for critical thinking that seem infallible... and we could still fail. He could still not make it through college. That keeps me awake at night. Still, I hold this unwavering belief that each of my kids can and will have equal access to every opportunity this world can offer them. They're just so brilliant and I want everything for them... I want to create a world where they don't have to overcome their background to have opportunity and they don't have to be exceptional to be afforded an easy route to it.
Anyway. Maybe none of this makes any sense. Maybe I'm more emotional than I think. What I know is that on Tuesday I met some members of our class of 2025. And I cannot wait to learn them as well as I know our current 175 students. I have no doubt that I am one of the luckiest teachers in Kansas City. I just can't wait to see some fruits.
With love
<3 p="">
