or
"How to avoid being like our mothers."
I love my mother. We're basically best friends, and yeah sometimes she makes me crazy, but mostly I love her more than basically anyone in my life. I just wanted to add that disclaimer. I also want to remind everyone that I am 20 years old, and I am well aware that I couldn't really understand the thoughts and lives of women 20 or more years older than me.
But.
Most of our mothers aren't happy. They may be sort of happy, but they're not the over the moon, completely dizzily happy that I think most people want to be. I'm not the only one who thinks that, writers for the nytimes and various blogs have mentioned women's growing unhappiness in the past month. The question that no one really seems to be able to answer is, why?
Haven't we gotten everything we ever wanted as a woman? [Almost] equal rights, and the ability to wear what we want and do what we want. I have never felt like I can't do anything the men around me can do, and it's thanks to the pioneering women of decades before me that I haven't felt that way. Women have done basically everything a man has done, and in most cases done it just as well if not better. So what is wrong? Why are men getting happier and happier and we're going the opposite way.
Well, there are many things I could blame. X-box, which is a safe haven for boys of all ages, while there is no socially acceptable outlet for a woman's childlike behaviors. The fact that women are working as many hours or more than the men in their lives and are still being expected to take care of the children or meals or basically everything else. The destructive images being pushed to us every single day of impossible standards to live up to. No one can look like a model, follow all the tips to "make your man wild" from Cosmo, work 50 hours a week, get dinner on the table, take kids to school, and be a minx every single day.
But we've been trying. I think that's the problem. Our mothers and grandmothers fought for us to have the ability to do more than vacuum in pearls, and we don't want to let them down. At the same time, we're being told by television and advertisements and even our friends that we have to be beautiful and sexy and perfect. Plus we're in the post divorced families era of women who are desperate to make their marriages work, because we all saw only failed marriages when we were growing up.
Times are hard. But I have a few ideas of things that the twenty-somethings can do to try to be a little happier than the average woman today. Enjoy!
* Follow your heart. Cheesy, I know, but I think a lot of 80's and 90's powerhouse women got caught up in being successful and ended up in jobs and lifestyles they weren't passionate about. I tell my residents, don't think that the only thing worth doing is going to medical or law school. If you love photography, be a photographer. If you love clothes, work in retail. There are no rules about what jobs are okay, and which equal failure. Who really wants to be a pharmacist anyway? Probably some people, but probably not all of the women in pharmacy school. Do what you love.
* Talk to your mom. Or another woman in your life. Ask her what she did when she was your age, what she might do differently, what advice she has. We all have this 'do everything yourself' attitude, so we don't tap into the valuable resources that the women around us could be.
* Accept yourself as you are. I have long since gotten over the fact that I'm never going to be Jessica Alba. Most of us aren't going to be. So embrace the beautiful things about yourself. Psalms 139:14 says "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." You are. Never forget that.
* Take time for yourself. My mother gets her nails done once a week. I watch Glee every Wednesday. It is so crucial that everyone has something she does just for herself. To detox or to laugh or to do anything at all, if it makes you happy. You can't live for other people all of the time, and everyone deserves that alone time.
* Be realistic about your relationships. Fall in love. Don't fool yourself into believing your relationship is perfect. I firmly believe that everyone deserves the best possible love in their lives, and I think you know when the person is The One. If he's not, don't pretend like he is. You deserve someone who treats you like a princess, as cliche as that is. Being happy in a relationship and being willing to work to keep those relationships is key.
* Spend time with friends. Sex and the City had this right, I usually feel best when I'm having coffee with a few friends, or just hanging out at people's apartments making cookies. Again, no one can work all of the time.
* Don't feel guilty about your choices. Wanna know a secret? It's okay to stay at home and take care of your kids. Every woman doesn't have to have a career, and if it will make you happiest to be with someone who wants to take care of you and you can stay at home, do that. By the same token, if being in the PTA will make you crazy, don't feel guilty about working. Women are generally people pleasers but at the end of the day it's really only me and God, and I don't want to be miserable. That's not to say that women should be totally selfish...
* Give back. Whether it's through donations to a charitable cause, or volunteering at your local food bank, helping other people really really does make you feel better. Just take an hour out of your week and volunteer at a non-profit afterschool care, and I promise within two weeks you will feel a ton better.
* Don't be self-destructive. Ladies, we have to stop these habits of binge drinking and sleeping around and everything else. I think that these became the norm as a way of escaping the unhappiness that women feel sometimes, or possibly to full a hole that no one or nothing else seemed to fill, but they really just make things worse. I have never in my life met a girl who got wasted every weekend that seemed truly happy with her life. Try maybe substituting a Saturday night at the bars with a night of going to late night diners or something. I know that my average college students are rolling their eyes as they read this, but let me remind you that college doesn't last forever, but habits are hard to break. And if you're used to drowning your sorrows in jack and coke, you haven't developed a positive way to deal with them... no good.
* Don't be a victim. This is where our mother's got things right. You are strong. You are capable. Take things into your own hands sometimes, and make your life better. Maybe you hate every idea I've given, that's cool But figure out a way to make yourself happy. Decide that you don't want to turn 40 and wish that you knew what it was like to be happy.
I'm not saying you have to be perfect. Or that you can't change things in your life as you get older; of course you can. I'm only saying that we all deserve to be just as happy as the men in the world. And our generation can make that happen.
With love
Shelli
I love my mother. We're basically best friends, and yeah sometimes she makes me crazy, but mostly I love her more than basically anyone in my life. I just wanted to add that disclaimer. I also want to remind everyone that I am 20 years old, and I am well aware that I couldn't really understand the thoughts and lives of women 20 or more years older than me.
But.
Most of our mothers aren't happy. They may be sort of happy, but they're not the over the moon, completely dizzily happy that I think most people want to be. I'm not the only one who thinks that, writers for the nytimes and various blogs have mentioned women's growing unhappiness in the past month. The question that no one really seems to be able to answer is, why?
Haven't we gotten everything we ever wanted as a woman? [Almost] equal rights, and the ability to wear what we want and do what we want. I have never felt like I can't do anything the men around me can do, and it's thanks to the pioneering women of decades before me that I haven't felt that way. Women have done basically everything a man has done, and in most cases done it just as well if not better. So what is wrong? Why are men getting happier and happier and we're going the opposite way.
Well, there are many things I could blame. X-box, which is a safe haven for boys of all ages, while there is no socially acceptable outlet for a woman's childlike behaviors. The fact that women are working as many hours or more than the men in their lives and are still being expected to take care of the children or meals or basically everything else. The destructive images being pushed to us every single day of impossible standards to live up to. No one can look like a model, follow all the tips to "make your man wild" from Cosmo, work 50 hours a week, get dinner on the table, take kids to school, and be a minx every single day.
But we've been trying. I think that's the problem. Our mothers and grandmothers fought for us to have the ability to do more than vacuum in pearls, and we don't want to let them down. At the same time, we're being told by television and advertisements and even our friends that we have to be beautiful and sexy and perfect. Plus we're in the post divorced families era of women who are desperate to make their marriages work, because we all saw only failed marriages when we were growing up.
Times are hard. But I have a few ideas of things that the twenty-somethings can do to try to be a little happier than the average woman today. Enjoy!
* Follow your heart. Cheesy, I know, but I think a lot of 80's and 90's powerhouse women got caught up in being successful and ended up in jobs and lifestyles they weren't passionate about. I tell my residents, don't think that the only thing worth doing is going to medical or law school. If you love photography, be a photographer. If you love clothes, work in retail. There are no rules about what jobs are okay, and which equal failure. Who really wants to be a pharmacist anyway? Probably some people, but probably not all of the women in pharmacy school. Do what you love.
* Talk to your mom. Or another woman in your life. Ask her what she did when she was your age, what she might do differently, what advice she has. We all have this 'do everything yourself' attitude, so we don't tap into the valuable resources that the women around us could be.
* Accept yourself as you are. I have long since gotten over the fact that I'm never going to be Jessica Alba. Most of us aren't going to be. So embrace the beautiful things about yourself. Psalms 139:14 says "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." You are. Never forget that.
* Take time for yourself. My mother gets her nails done once a week. I watch Glee every Wednesday. It is so crucial that everyone has something she does just for herself. To detox or to laugh or to do anything at all, if it makes you happy. You can't live for other people all of the time, and everyone deserves that alone time.
* Be realistic about your relationships. Fall in love. Don't fool yourself into believing your relationship is perfect. I firmly believe that everyone deserves the best possible love in their lives, and I think you know when the person is The One. If he's not, don't pretend like he is. You deserve someone who treats you like a princess, as cliche as that is. Being happy in a relationship and being willing to work to keep those relationships is key.
* Spend time with friends. Sex and the City had this right, I usually feel best when I'm having coffee with a few friends, or just hanging out at people's apartments making cookies. Again, no one can work all of the time.
* Don't feel guilty about your choices. Wanna know a secret? It's okay to stay at home and take care of your kids. Every woman doesn't have to have a career, and if it will make you happiest to be with someone who wants to take care of you and you can stay at home, do that. By the same token, if being in the PTA will make you crazy, don't feel guilty about working. Women are generally people pleasers but at the end of the day it's really only me and God, and I don't want to be miserable. That's not to say that women should be totally selfish...
* Give back. Whether it's through donations to a charitable cause, or volunteering at your local food bank, helping other people really really does make you feel better. Just take an hour out of your week and volunteer at a non-profit afterschool care, and I promise within two weeks you will feel a ton better.
* Don't be self-destructive. Ladies, we have to stop these habits of binge drinking and sleeping around and everything else. I think that these became the norm as a way of escaping the unhappiness that women feel sometimes, or possibly to full a hole that no one or nothing else seemed to fill, but they really just make things worse. I have never in my life met a girl who got wasted every weekend that seemed truly happy with her life. Try maybe substituting a Saturday night at the bars with a night of going to late night diners or something. I know that my average college students are rolling their eyes as they read this, but let me remind you that college doesn't last forever, but habits are hard to break. And if you're used to drowning your sorrows in jack and coke, you haven't developed a positive way to deal with them... no good.
* Don't be a victim. This is where our mother's got things right. You are strong. You are capable. Take things into your own hands sometimes, and make your life better. Maybe you hate every idea I've given, that's cool But figure out a way to make yourself happy. Decide that you don't want to turn 40 and wish that you knew what it was like to be happy.
I'm not saying you have to be perfect. Or that you can't change things in your life as you get older; of course you can. I'm only saying that we all deserve to be just as happy as the men in the world. And our generation can make that happen.
With love
Shelli
